Prompt: Numb

[strongheartmaid]

AN: set during Beast'verse

Ilona felt a certain sense of numbness as she moved mechanically through her duties. Something was wrong, wrong, wrong, her soul screamed. She took a step before she doubled over, the tray she had been carrying dropped from hands, the glass contents shattering on impact. She stayed bent over, trying to recover from the suddenness of the attack. She shook herself mentally before kneeling to pick up the shattered remains of the thankfully empty vials. She hissed a moment, her finger accidentally catching on the sharp glass. She shook her injured hand, before bringing it up so she could make sure there weren't any shards. Satisfied, she brought her finger up to her mouth and sucked on it. The coppery tang of the blood made her wrinkle her nose but it was enough to snap her out of her numbed state.

Some instinct drove her to run to the landing strip - wanting to see Dragonator One squad return. She arrived just as Sky Fury's feet touched ground. Her amethyst colored eyes darted across the riders, counting. And that numbness settled in again when she spied Riptor without his rider.

Comments

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

'dropped from hands' [need 'her' before 'hands']

And no, just no. If she's really a scientist's assistant, she wouldn't dare suck on her finger, clean glass or no. That's a horrible habit to have in her line of work and very unhygienic to boot.

Also, why didn't she just go get a broom to clean it up? There's no way she's going to avoid cutting her fingers if she's picking up *every bit* of broken glass and since you used the word 'shattered', to me that means there's tons of small pieces.

Then she abandoned the mess to go see the Dragon Flyz return. While I can buy her abandoning the mess, how did she even know they were coming back? There was no signal, no call on the comm, nothing, just her suddenly up and running off to who knows where.

Tiniest nitpick of all here, but why did you specify Sky Fury's landing? If anything, as squad leader, Riptor would be the first to land and commonly is in the cartoon, that I remember.

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

yeah, I caught the missing her after I typed it up [the corrected version is on my flash drive]

as for why I specified Fury's landing, well, part of it was that I forgot the order of landing and another was that was when she finally arrived at the landing strip - she missed seeing Riptor land but when she scanned the group, she noticed Riptor didn't have Z'neth with him

and I'm trying to remember what my reasoning was for why she suddenly ran - I think it had something to do with her being linked to Z [even if they don't know they're linked yet - which happens late in Beast'verse]

and yeah, the whole sucking on the finger thing - I think it was the whole shock thing that had her doing it. When I actually write this into the novel, I'll change it out

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

Alright, but at the very least toss something about that link in when you add this part. At least a mention.

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

I will - and thanks for pointing that out :D

[could you review the other Beast'verse centric one? Attor's being a brat]

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

[I'll try but it feels like a rewrite of something you've already written.]

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

[thanks - and it probably is but it literally was the first thing I could think of for the prompt. I may rewrite later]

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

[I think it's because I'm too used to you writing the setting piece for Ilona and Z'neth/Attor to become a couple.]

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

[this is true - I couldn't think of another couple at the time. If/when I rewrite, I'll snag another DF couple]

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

[Summit/Nora? It'd certainly be a change of pace.]

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

[I'll see what I can come up with :D]

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

[Yay!]

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

[I may also do another prompt for Summit/Nora - I'm thinking Sweeten may work for them :D]

[lovelykitta.livejournal.com]

[*dances in place* I honestly have no idea why they work so well, but they do! Yay!]

[strongheartmaid.livejournal.com]

[now to locate my lasso - I'll fic those two prompts out and then work on iconning some He-Man comics]